My team left for lunch without me.. -_-" So ended up having lunch in the office. No matter, it's a friday and my spirit is high. Looking forward to the weekends. =)Super no mood to work today. =/
I've always wondered why medical costs are always so expensive and why the doctors are paid so much. I mean sure, they paid a lot of money to study to get into a medical career, the equipments and stuff all cost a lot, but with the number of patients and money going in everyday, I’m sure they earn more then enough. So why can’t they just lower the cost for all those medical treatments? Can’t those doctors just earn a little lesser? With the pay they are getting every month, I’m sure they are able to recover the cost of all their studying in at most 3 years? Just earn a little lesser and take a little more time to recover their study cost wont kill right? Most of their patients come from middle-income families and below. It is very difficult for them to pay off all those medical bills with the income they have. I know you can get help from the government to subside the bill, but for those in the middle to above middle-income family, it’s not so easy for them to get that kind of help. I guess it still all boils down to human’s greed for money. Money is an evil thing. =/
Dear finally completed his resume and was able to send them out for job application. Think he managed to send out more then 10 companies yesterday. I hope good news will be heard soon. There were a few he sent out and forgot to update the date on the cover letter. I hope those companies will overlook that minor mistake and look at his capabilities instead. He really is very good at what he does. Dear God, please let him be able to get a job soon.
Going to stop here because i dont have the mood to write either. Haha. Have a great weekend!
Friday, February 25, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Still trying to keep that glimmer of hope shining
Dear’s mum just told him yesterday that after this month she will retire because her health does not allow her to continue working. Dear was like, “Shit.. later she will find out I’m not working when she see I am home everyday.” But to me, I do not think it’s a bad thing. At least now he has no choice but to go and look for a job and his mum can start taking things easy. Maybe now, he will finally get the push he needs to go look for a job and I can leave the nagging to someone else. Was getting a bit tired of having to nudge him everyday to go look for a job. Plus, he is starting to get irritated with me for nagging at him everyday. I don’t need him to get irritated with him to know that I’m getting naggy, I, myself am starting to get irritated with myself for being so naggy, but then again, if he had been more proactive at looking for a job, I would not have to nag at him either. =/ I am a person who hates to nag, and I dislike people who do things that forces me to nag.
There are so many jobs out there now and the economy is good, so anyone who changes job now is sure to be able to get a higher pay. I don’t understand why he doesn’t want to seize this opportunity to look for a job and get a good pay. He is just so pessimistic about finding a job and always saying like there is nobody out there who will want to hire him. =/ Sometimes just feel like slapping him when he says that. He is always thinking he has no skills and that employers nowadays value papers more then experience, which is a load of rubbish to me. Then what is it that he has been doing the past 17 years? I do not know anybody that can advise their bosses on what business path to take, handle a staff of 50 men, coordinate a big event like F1 on his own and is even qualified to train people in effective sales. If he actually gets a job, I’m sure he could easily get a $4k and above salary!
I’m not going to nag at him to look for a job anymore. I have done all I can for him, I send him samples of resume and cover letter as reference to do his, I even looked for job vacancies and send to him to consider, I’ve even asked my colleagues to ask their boyfriends to check if there are any managerial positions available in their company. There is nothing more I can do, the rest is up to him now and I hope he will hope harping and worrying about the bills he needs to pay next month. Yes, paying bills is important too, but so is looking for a job because a job is a long term solution to his problem. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t in the least bit disappointed in him, I am, because I look up to him as a role model. A person who was still able to come up strong even after facing many setbacks in life, a person who is so capable of doing so many that most would not be able to do, that’s the person I knew, but that person does not seem present at the moment. At times, I just feel like giving up hope on him, but I won’t, not when he needs someone now more then ever. I just hope he will do something about it soon and not let all these problems ruin our relationship with all the negative energy he is bring into it.
Looking at the positive job outlook now, I’m wondering if I should still wait till my contract is up before changing jobs. It’s only another 3 more months and I’ll get a two months bonus! I hope the job market is still good when it’s time for me to change job. And I pray really hard that I will be able to find a job that I will enjoy working the next time round.
There are so many jobs out there now and the economy is good, so anyone who changes job now is sure to be able to get a higher pay. I don’t understand why he doesn’t want to seize this opportunity to look for a job and get a good pay. He is just so pessimistic about finding a job and always saying like there is nobody out there who will want to hire him. =/ Sometimes just feel like slapping him when he says that. He is always thinking he has no skills and that employers nowadays value papers more then experience, which is a load of rubbish to me. Then what is it that he has been doing the past 17 years? I do not know anybody that can advise their bosses on what business path to take, handle a staff of 50 men, coordinate a big event like F1 on his own and is even qualified to train people in effective sales. If he actually gets a job, I’m sure he could easily get a $4k and above salary!
I’m not going to nag at him to look for a job anymore. I have done all I can for him, I send him samples of resume and cover letter as reference to do his, I even looked for job vacancies and send to him to consider, I’ve even asked my colleagues to ask their boyfriends to check if there are any managerial positions available in their company. There is nothing more I can do, the rest is up to him now and I hope he will hope harping and worrying about the bills he needs to pay next month. Yes, paying bills is important too, but so is looking for a job because a job is a long term solution to his problem. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t in the least bit disappointed in him, I am, because I look up to him as a role model. A person who was still able to come up strong even after facing many setbacks in life, a person who is so capable of doing so many that most would not be able to do, that’s the person I knew, but that person does not seem present at the moment. At times, I just feel like giving up hope on him, but I won’t, not when he needs someone now more then ever. I just hope he will do something about it soon and not let all these problems ruin our relationship with all the negative energy he is bring into it.
Looking at the positive job outlook now, I’m wondering if I should still wait till my contract is up before changing jobs. It’s only another 3 more months and I’ll get a two months bonus! I hope the job market is still good when it’s time for me to change job. And I pray really hard that I will be able to find a job that I will enjoy working the next time round.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Still hoping for the best..
Sigh.. My dear is very down and not very motivated to look for a job because of his situation. I wish there was more I could do to help him. =( I just hope he can find it in himself to get motivated and find a job soon. I want things to get better for him.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Break-up and Make-up???
My manager is on leave today, can relax a bit. (^-^)
Saw something that got me thinking, why do some couples always play the ‘break-up, make-up’ game? What is their purpose of doing that? Ok, so maybe they do not purposely want it to happen that way, but don’t they get tired of it? I’m just wondering what could have possibly happened that is so difficult to solve and get pass? It’s not like their partner cheated and deceived them. Maybe to me, I find, so long as my partner does not cheat and lie to me about unforgivable things (like having an affair or being with me just to make use of me), then we can just work things out, let it go and move on. There is really no need for a break up really. Things like differences and incompatibility should not be an issue if the couple has been together for more then a year, because if that was the case, they would not even last for that long a period already. They would have realized it earlier in the relationship and called it off. These kinds of things are easily detectable, because it’s through feelings and feelings from the heart could never go wrong. I even read from somewhere that just because a couple does not have a lot of things in common or have a lot of differences, it does not necessarily mean that they are not suitable for one another. It is just a matter of whether they can learn to accept each other’s differences and how they compromise with one another. Some people choose to ‘break-up’ because they feel their partner is taking them for granted and that they don’t love them as much. These are things you can sit down and talk about and you will realize that most of the time, your worries are all cause by your own insecurities. That is when the problem lies with you and not your partner. So reflect on yourself.
So really, what is the point of this ‘break-up, make-up’ game? You do it one time, it fine, you do it two times, people still can accept it, you do it three, four, five times, people get bored and start to not take you seriously anymore. They will start to think, “Again? Aiya.. Nothing to worry about, they do it all the time. They’ll get back together sooner or later.” Even their close guy or girl friends, I’m sure they get tired of the same old story after awhile and they start to not worry or care so much because they know that in the end they will get back together again. I find if one couple really need to break up (actually it’s more like a cooling down period then a real break up to me), just do so without making a big fuss out of it. Don’t change your status on your facebook to single till the two of you have been apart for a few months or that you are certain there is no chance of the two of you getting back together, don’t tweet about it and don’t blog about it. Because, seriously, why do you want to hang your dirty laundry for the world to see? It gives people the impression that you’re quarrelsome, immature and just unable to solve your own problems. Just learn to be more mature about handling your problems.
These are just things I noticed and learnt through some painful lessons. We should all learn to appreciate what we have, who we have and be happy with it. Don’t keep asking for more every time, because in the end, we will only end up discouraging the ones we love and may never attain true happiness.
P.S: By the way, if after reading this, you feel that I am making a personal attack on any individual, I am not. I'm just speaking of a hand full of people in general. So take no offence after reading it. It's just food for thought. Just thought I should clarify. (",)
Ok, back to a me. Hehehe.. Went to the range again with dear yesterday after work. My swing totally sucked cause I was having the same stupid migraine headache. Lucky it wasn’t so bad till I can't even practice. I can’t get the correct swing. I think it is because the damn club is too heavy for me, could actually feel my shoulders shaking from overly exerting strength. But I still need to make do with the damn club for now because I’ve got no money to get lighter clubs. =/ Dear proposed jogging tonight, then back to the range again tomorrow and then jogging the day after and rest on Friday and weekends. Think I’m going to die. -_-“ but it’s good, at least he is motivating me to workout. So I shall be a good sport and go with it. (",)
I really do hope dear finds a job soon and things get better.
Saw something that got me thinking, why do some couples always play the ‘break-up, make-up’ game? What is their purpose of doing that? Ok, so maybe they do not purposely want it to happen that way, but don’t they get tired of it? I’m just wondering what could have possibly happened that is so difficult to solve and get pass? It’s not like their partner cheated and deceived them. Maybe to me, I find, so long as my partner does not cheat and lie to me about unforgivable things (like having an affair or being with me just to make use of me), then we can just work things out, let it go and move on. There is really no need for a break up really. Things like differences and incompatibility should not be an issue if the couple has been together for more then a year, because if that was the case, they would not even last for that long a period already. They would have realized it earlier in the relationship and called it off. These kinds of things are easily detectable, because it’s through feelings and feelings from the heart could never go wrong. I even read from somewhere that just because a couple does not have a lot of things in common or have a lot of differences, it does not necessarily mean that they are not suitable for one another. It is just a matter of whether they can learn to accept each other’s differences and how they compromise with one another. Some people choose to ‘break-up’ because they feel their partner is taking them for granted and that they don’t love them as much. These are things you can sit down and talk about and you will realize that most of the time, your worries are all cause by your own insecurities. That is when the problem lies with you and not your partner. So reflect on yourself.
So really, what is the point of this ‘break-up, make-up’ game? You do it one time, it fine, you do it two times, people still can accept it, you do it three, four, five times, people get bored and start to not take you seriously anymore. They will start to think, “Again? Aiya.. Nothing to worry about, they do it all the time. They’ll get back together sooner or later.” Even their close guy or girl friends, I’m sure they get tired of the same old story after awhile and they start to not worry or care so much because they know that in the end they will get back together again. I find if one couple really need to break up (actually it’s more like a cooling down period then a real break up to me), just do so without making a big fuss out of it. Don’t change your status on your facebook to single till the two of you have been apart for a few months or that you are certain there is no chance of the two of you getting back together, don’t tweet about it and don’t blog about it. Because, seriously, why do you want to hang your dirty laundry for the world to see? It gives people the impression that you’re quarrelsome, immature and just unable to solve your own problems. Just learn to be more mature about handling your problems.
These are just things I noticed and learnt through some painful lessons. We should all learn to appreciate what we have, who we have and be happy with it. Don’t keep asking for more every time, because in the end, we will only end up discouraging the ones we love and may never attain true happiness.
P.S: By the way, if after reading this, you feel that I am making a personal attack on any individual, I am not. I'm just speaking of a hand full of people in general. So take no offence after reading it. It's just food for thought. Just thought I should clarify. (",)
Ok, back to a me. Hehehe.. Went to the range again with dear yesterday after work. My swing totally sucked cause I was having the same stupid migraine headache. Lucky it wasn’t so bad till I can't even practice. I can’t get the correct swing. I think it is because the damn club is too heavy for me, could actually feel my shoulders shaking from overly exerting strength. But I still need to make do with the damn club for now because I’ve got no money to get lighter clubs. =/ Dear proposed jogging tonight, then back to the range again tomorrow and then jogging the day after and rest on Friday and weekends. Think I’m going to die. -_-“ but it’s good, at least he is motivating me to workout. So I shall be a good sport and go with it. (",)
I really do hope dear finds a job soon and things get better.
Monday, February 21, 2011
I pray all will become better soon...
It’s a Monday again. Weekends always fly pass so quickly. -_-“ I read an article on the internet and they said that the ‘blues’ usually always comes in on a Wednesday because it is mid-week and we’re only halfway to the weekends. We don’t usually feel the ‘blues’ on a Monday cause the weekend just past and we are still feeling relaxed from the recent memories of the weekends. In fact, we are more productive on a Monday. So ‘Monday blues’ should change to ‘Wednesday blues’ instead. But for me, I get the ‘blues’ all week except for the weekends. I guess that happens when you do not like your job.. =/
I’m still contemplating if I should go back to studying and get a degree after my contract is up in June. Some are saying I should take the opportunity to study if I can afford to, some are saying I should only study if I really know what I want to do after complete my degree. I have weighted all my opinions, but I’m still not able to come up with an answer. =/ Many are saying I should get a degree cause it will help me get a better starting pay and faster promotion. Many are saying it’s going to be a waste of time if I get a degree and still do not know what job I want to do after and that if I end up doing a job that is not relevant to my degree, employers will value experience more in those situations. Sucks. Wish someone could give me better advice. Hate to be at a cross road and still looking for the right path to take, I just want to be on the right path and start sprinting forward. =/ Maybe.. if God can help me decide? If I can get a job that I want to do, I will not go back to studying, if I can’t get a job I would want as a long term career, I go back to studying?
Dear finally did his resume after much delay due to illnesses. Doing his resume for the first time in 17 years. 0_0 It really deludes me how a high flyer such as him could end up in a situation he is now. His whole career life has been plague with nothing but bad luck and really bad people. He would always be doing well, getting promoted and everything and then some ass-prick gets threatened by his abilities, starts deluding themselves into thinking he will try and take over their role/ position/ company and then starts doing all kinds of despicable things to stop his climb up the career ladder. Can’t believe there are so many idiotic people out there. But I guess dear was partly at fault for being too trusting and nice.
Recently he got made use of again by another ass-prick and worst of all was that person was supposed to be one of his close friend and someone he trusted. I’m glad he is no longer a friend of ours. A friend who didn’t have the balls to come out and tell his other close friend that he is currently together with his ex girlfriend nor even apologize about it, a friend that made use of dear to help him start up a new business and expecting my dear work for him without paying him just because the stupid office is not ready or that the company was low on funds or that the business have not take flight (which everybody who runs a business should know it is not possible in such a short period of time) and still had the cheek to say what dear have done in the two months was not really work. Such a friend is better off not having because you won’t know what other things he might do to you again. Good ridden to a first class A**hole.
I just hope Dear will be able to find a good paying job soon. With all the bills he needs to pay, he is really struggling to pay them and without any pay, it is really hard and it is stressing him out a lot, which makes him a little short tempered. I am trying my best to help him and I wish there was more I could do to help him, but with the little pay that I earn, there is only so much I can do. How I wish I earn more money then I do now, even if it’s just a little bit more. How I wish I am completing my contract this month, then I would get a lump sum of money which I can use to help him coop with his bills and give him more time to look for a job. =( I feel so useless. My dear is in trouble and yet I can’t help him, and it frustrates me even more that he is not willing to accept my help. If he won’t even accept help from me, then who is he going to turn to for help? It really saddens me to see him suffer like that. =( Dear God, please help him through this difficult time and help make things better for him. He may not believe in you, but I do.
Aside to a lighter note, I recently started taking up golf so that I can go to the practice range with dear and also overseas to see those beautiful golf course dear always tells me about. Golf isn’t so bad, but it’s quite tough cause there is a lot of theory to it and you need lots of practice to be good in it. Best thing is, it works your core muscles. =) So far I’ve only been to the range with dear twice, but I feel I’m progressing quite well. Hopefully it is a sport I will keep playing and will do so with dear dear.
I’m still contemplating if I should go back to studying and get a degree after my contract is up in June. Some are saying I should take the opportunity to study if I can afford to, some are saying I should only study if I really know what I want to do after complete my degree. I have weighted all my opinions, but I’m still not able to come up with an answer. =/ Many are saying I should get a degree cause it will help me get a better starting pay and faster promotion. Many are saying it’s going to be a waste of time if I get a degree and still do not know what job I want to do after and that if I end up doing a job that is not relevant to my degree, employers will value experience more in those situations. Sucks. Wish someone could give me better advice. Hate to be at a cross road and still looking for the right path to take, I just want to be on the right path and start sprinting forward. =/ Maybe.. if God can help me decide? If I can get a job that I want to do, I will not go back to studying, if I can’t get a job I would want as a long term career, I go back to studying?
Dear finally did his resume after much delay due to illnesses. Doing his resume for the first time in 17 years. 0_0 It really deludes me how a high flyer such as him could end up in a situation he is now. His whole career life has been plague with nothing but bad luck and really bad people. He would always be doing well, getting promoted and everything and then some ass-prick gets threatened by his abilities, starts deluding themselves into thinking he will try and take over their role/ position/ company and then starts doing all kinds of despicable things to stop his climb up the career ladder. Can’t believe there are so many idiotic people out there. But I guess dear was partly at fault for being too trusting and nice.
Recently he got made use of again by another ass-prick and worst of all was that person was supposed to be one of his close friend and someone he trusted. I’m glad he is no longer a friend of ours. A friend who didn’t have the balls to come out and tell his other close friend that he is currently together with his ex girlfriend nor even apologize about it, a friend that made use of dear to help him start up a new business and expecting my dear work for him without paying him just because the stupid office is not ready or that the company was low on funds or that the business have not take flight (which everybody who runs a business should know it is not possible in such a short period of time) and still had the cheek to say what dear have done in the two months was not really work. Such a friend is better off not having because you won’t know what other things he might do to you again. Good ridden to a first class A**hole.
I just hope Dear will be able to find a good paying job soon. With all the bills he needs to pay, he is really struggling to pay them and without any pay, it is really hard and it is stressing him out a lot, which makes him a little short tempered. I am trying my best to help him and I wish there was more I could do to help him, but with the little pay that I earn, there is only so much I can do. How I wish I earn more money then I do now, even if it’s just a little bit more. How I wish I am completing my contract this month, then I would get a lump sum of money which I can use to help him coop with his bills and give him more time to look for a job. =( I feel so useless. My dear is in trouble and yet I can’t help him, and it frustrates me even more that he is not willing to accept my help. If he won’t even accept help from me, then who is he going to turn to for help? It really saddens me to see him suffer like that. =( Dear God, please help him through this difficult time and help make things better for him. He may not believe in you, but I do.
Aside to a lighter note, I recently started taking up golf so that I can go to the practice range with dear and also overseas to see those beautiful golf course dear always tells me about. Golf isn’t so bad, but it’s quite tough cause there is a lot of theory to it and you need lots of practice to be good in it. Best thing is, it works your core muscles. =) So far I’ve only been to the range with dear twice, but I feel I’m progressing quite well. Hopefully it is a sport I will keep playing and will do so with dear dear.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Bad Friday
It’s finally a Friday, but I feel like shit. =( Yesterday night I had the worse migraine I have not experience in a long time. My head was hurting so bad to the point I felt dizzy and nauseous. First thing I did when I got home was to try and sleep the migraine off. Got woken up at 11pm when dear reached my house and woke me up. The pain was still there. =/ So I took one of my mum’s migraine medicine and tried to sleep it off again. Had a hard time falling to sleep, but somehow managed to. Woke up again at 5am, head didn’t hurt anymore but could still feel the migraine just teetering at the edge of my brain. Dear was still watching television, so I went to bath because I haven’t done so and was feeling uncomfortable from the cold sweat produced by the intense pain of my migraine. Got out of the shower, dear was sleeping on the bed already. Tried going back to sleep, but was unable to. =/ So now here I am, back at work and feeling a hell of a lot like shit. =( Still feeling a bit light-headed, I hope the migraine does not come back again while I’m at work. I just want the day to faster pass so I can go home and rest. But, I still need to bath Puppy and Mylo and wash all of Mylo’s pillow cases and towel. -_- FMF (F**k My Friday).
There are things I wanted to write about, but I guess it will have to wait till another day.
There are things I wanted to write about, but I guess it will have to wait till another day.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Changes & happenings in 2010
It has been a long time since I wrote on my online diary. Many things have happened and many things have changed. Whether the change is good or bad, I do not know. But I do know the change within me has been good. (“,)
In 2009, just a few days after my birthday, I loved and lost. I was totally devastated and crushed by the betrayal. I was so lost; I didn’t know what to do. But I was lucky, I met a kind soul who kept me company, listened to my sorrows and paid for my meals when I had no money, a person who only just got to know me and was willing to do so much for a stranger, and I am proud to say today that that person is my loving boyfriend. I know what you all must be thinking, you’re thinking that, “Of course he would do all those things for you, he is trying to ‘woo’ you.” But you are wrong, his intentions were simple, to cheer me up and to help me get through my difficult time. He had no intentions of chasing after me. He did all that because he understood how I was feeling because he had went through the same kind of pain I went through and he did all of that without expecting anything in return. He was heaven sent. (“,)
Both of us were similar in a few ways, we were people who had gone through almost the same kind of hurt and didn’t desire any relationships of the heart then. We were just two singles, enjoying the company of the other person. However, after a while, he started to develop feelings for me, feelings he didn’t expect to feel. He confessed, but I on the other hand was still unsure as I was still hurting and I didn’t want him to end up as a means for me to divert my pain because I treasured him too much as a friend. I was again at another cross road, to accept him as a lover or to lose him as a friend. Of course I chose the first, if not I wouldn’t be with him today. It was a difficult choice to make. I didn’t like making a choice that I wasn’t sure of because then my heart was not willing to let go of the past. Luckily, my heart did give after some time and I am in love again. I was relieve and happy. I didn’t end up hurting him and I was able to love and trust again, something that I had thought was not possible.
That was one of the many things that happened to me in 2010. In 2010, I graduated, got a job in a reputable company (which I am still working in now) and learnt many things. In 2010, I also learnt to forgive and forget a very difficult thing and that was the betrayal and hurt my previous boyfriend did to me. At first, I thought I had forgiven him or was close to forgiving him when I told him that I forgave him the first time. But I was wrong; I wasn’t even close to forgiving and forgetting. I was still angry and I wanted everything bad to befall on him as a form of retribution. I don’t think I was wrong in having those thoughts, it felt more like a stage I needed to get through to finally ‘heal’ myself inside. The only thing I was proud of not doing, was stalking his and his new girlfriend’s facebook, which was something I feared I might do. I won’t deny that I did view their facebook a few times, but I am grateful for my strong restrain to not stalk them on facebook. Now, I don’t even view their facebook anymore because I have finally, 100%, forgive him and let go of all the hurt and pain. It has been months since I even viewed their facebook and I don’t think I will even do so anymore because the curiosity and the need to know the reason as to why he left is no longer there. I finally saw and accepted the truth. I am happy for him in finding another happiness (whether it is better or not, I wouldn’t know, so I’m not going to jump into any conclusions there) and I, myself am happy with the love God have shown and given me. All my friends who are always there for me, my family and my boyfriend, who have done nothing but make me a better person, and through my boyfriend I met even more people and made many more good friends. I am grateful for all that I have now and my heart is finally at peace. (“,)
In 2009, just a few days after my birthday, I loved and lost. I was totally devastated and crushed by the betrayal. I was so lost; I didn’t know what to do. But I was lucky, I met a kind soul who kept me company, listened to my sorrows and paid for my meals when I had no money, a person who only just got to know me and was willing to do so much for a stranger, and I am proud to say today that that person is my loving boyfriend. I know what you all must be thinking, you’re thinking that, “Of course he would do all those things for you, he is trying to ‘woo’ you.” But you are wrong, his intentions were simple, to cheer me up and to help me get through my difficult time. He had no intentions of chasing after me. He did all that because he understood how I was feeling because he had went through the same kind of pain I went through and he did all of that without expecting anything in return. He was heaven sent. (“,)
Both of us were similar in a few ways, we were people who had gone through almost the same kind of hurt and didn’t desire any relationships of the heart then. We were just two singles, enjoying the company of the other person. However, after a while, he started to develop feelings for me, feelings he didn’t expect to feel. He confessed, but I on the other hand was still unsure as I was still hurting and I didn’t want him to end up as a means for me to divert my pain because I treasured him too much as a friend. I was again at another cross road, to accept him as a lover or to lose him as a friend. Of course I chose the first, if not I wouldn’t be with him today. It was a difficult choice to make. I didn’t like making a choice that I wasn’t sure of because then my heart was not willing to let go of the past. Luckily, my heart did give after some time and I am in love again. I was relieve and happy. I didn’t end up hurting him and I was able to love and trust again, something that I had thought was not possible.
That was one of the many things that happened to me in 2010. In 2010, I graduated, got a job in a reputable company (which I am still working in now) and learnt many things. In 2010, I also learnt to forgive and forget a very difficult thing and that was the betrayal and hurt my previous boyfriend did to me. At first, I thought I had forgiven him or was close to forgiving him when I told him that I forgave him the first time. But I was wrong; I wasn’t even close to forgiving and forgetting. I was still angry and I wanted everything bad to befall on him as a form of retribution. I don’t think I was wrong in having those thoughts, it felt more like a stage I needed to get through to finally ‘heal’ myself inside. The only thing I was proud of not doing, was stalking his and his new girlfriend’s facebook, which was something I feared I might do. I won’t deny that I did view their facebook a few times, but I am grateful for my strong restrain to not stalk them on facebook. Now, I don’t even view their facebook anymore because I have finally, 100%, forgive him and let go of all the hurt and pain. It has been months since I even viewed their facebook and I don’t think I will even do so anymore because the curiosity and the need to know the reason as to why he left is no longer there. I finally saw and accepted the truth. I am happy for him in finding another happiness (whether it is better or not, I wouldn’t know, so I’m not going to jump into any conclusions there) and I, myself am happy with the love God have shown and given me. All my friends who are always there for me, my family and my boyfriend, who have done nothing but make me a better person, and through my boyfriend I met even more people and made many more good friends. I am grateful for all that I have now and my heart is finally at peace. (“,)
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
A new beginning
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