It has been a long time since I wrote on my online diary. Many things have happened and many things have changed. Whether the change is good or bad, I do not know. But I do know the change within me has been good. (“,)
In 2009, just a few days after my birthday, I loved and lost. I was totally devastated and crushed by the betrayal. I was so lost; I didn’t know what to do. But I was lucky, I met a kind soul who kept me company, listened to my sorrows and paid for my meals when I had no money, a person who only just got to know me and was willing to do so much for a stranger, and I am proud to say today that that person is my loving boyfriend. I know what you all must be thinking, you’re thinking that, “Of course he would do all those things for you, he is trying to ‘woo’ you.” But you are wrong, his intentions were simple, to cheer me up and to help me get through my difficult time. He had no intentions of chasing after me. He did all that because he understood how I was feeling because he had went through the same kind of pain I went through and he did all of that without expecting anything in return. He was heaven sent. (“,)
Both of us were similar in a few ways, we were people who had gone through almost the same kind of hurt and didn’t desire any relationships of the heart then. We were just two singles, enjoying the company of the other person. However, after a while, he started to develop feelings for me, feelings he didn’t expect to feel. He confessed, but I on the other hand was still unsure as I was still hurting and I didn’t want him to end up as a means for me to divert my pain because I treasured him too much as a friend. I was again at another cross road, to accept him as a lover or to lose him as a friend. Of course I chose the first, if not I wouldn’t be with him today. It was a difficult choice to make. I didn’t like making a choice that I wasn’t sure of because then my heart was not willing to let go of the past. Luckily, my heart did give after some time and I am in love again. I was relieve and happy. I didn’t end up hurting him and I was able to love and trust again, something that I had thought was not possible.
That was one of the many things that happened to me in 2010. In 2010, I graduated, got a job in a reputable company (which I am still working in now) and learnt many things. In 2010, I also learnt to forgive and forget a very difficult thing and that was the betrayal and hurt my previous boyfriend did to me. At first, I thought I had forgiven him or was close to forgiving him when I told him that I forgave him the first time. But I was wrong; I wasn’t even close to forgiving and forgetting. I was still angry and I wanted everything bad to befall on him as a form of retribution. I don’t think I was wrong in having those thoughts, it felt more like a stage I needed to get through to finally ‘heal’ myself inside. The only thing I was proud of not doing, was stalking his and his new girlfriend’s facebook, which was something I feared I might do. I won’t deny that I did view their facebook a few times, but I am grateful for my strong restrain to not stalk them on facebook. Now, I don’t even view their facebook anymore because I have finally, 100%, forgive him and let go of all the hurt and pain. It has been months since I even viewed their facebook and I don’t think I will even do so anymore because the curiosity and the need to know the reason as to why he left is no longer there. I finally saw and accepted the truth. I am happy for him in finding another happiness (whether it is better or not, I wouldn’t know, so I’m not going to jump into any conclusions there) and I, myself am happy with the love God have shown and given me. All my friends who are always there for me, my family and my boyfriend, who have done nothing but make me a better person, and through my boyfriend I met even more people and made many more good friends. I am grateful for all that I have now and my heart is finally at peace. (“,)
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