Was going through the stuff in my laptop to see what i can get rid of to make more space available in my laptop memory and came across a folder of old smses that i had stored when i changed handphone.. I was looking through the folder to see what i wanted to delete and what i wanted to keep and came across the 4 long smses my ex-boyfriend had sent me almost 4 months after we broke up..
Date: 27.4.2010 Time: 03:57AM
1st SMS:
Hi girl. Dun mean to disturb... Actually i saw ur fb n realise u got attached. Congrats. How's life? Should be good rite! Saw all e photos, chris seems to be a nice guy. To b real honest, when i saw mylo n xiao gua gua pic, i cant lie but say i do miss mylo n xiao gua gua alot but i dun think its possible for us to meet n walk mylo ever, if not later chris kill me. I dunno wats wrong with me but i just cant help n i just cant control my tears when i c e studio shot of mylo pic. Mayb i'm just too happy 4 u cos u moved on or mayb cos of other stuff, i dunno. Knowing that i owe u alot as i had once hurt u so deeply. I'm sorry! I had been wondering if i should msg u all tis 4 e past 3hr. Cos just then i was packing thru my stuff n saw our photos. I cry like fuck la! I dunno y! I tot i moved on. But my tear just kept flowing when i browse thru e photos. All e sweet memories just move me to tears! Mayb its God's will tat things turns out tis way. Cos he know that i'm such a loser. Know wat, mayb i just not meant to succeed in life. All e past plans that i made, i have not even done anything yet! My work life is in such a mess nw! I hate my job, i hate it so much till i get involved in lots of arguement with my bosses. All my past plans dun seems to b a gd investment anymore. Lots of ppl had been putting me down. I dunno y m i tell u tis, but i dunno who can i talk tis to anymore. Peiwen is there to talk to me but i just find tat at times when we understand n talk things, our thinking is just so different. At ti
2nd SMS:
At times, i wish u were there to talk to me as my best friend. Cos no one know me as much as u do, not even my family. Even though nw i often meet up with my frens n family, i just find that they dun know me so well anymore. Kinda sad ah. Enough of me. How abt u? I notice that chris is quite tall ah, u must be happy tat u could wear heels without any prob when u go party. Haha. Guess that was nv a gd idea to b with me 5yr ago. Haha. Oh ya, I'm not here to try to change anything. I really just wan to be very gd fren with u! Cos for a good 5yr of my adult life, no one know me better. Though we r apart nw, guess we still could b frens rite! But dunno if chris or peiwen could take it anot. But if both of them r mature n trusting enough, i believe they could. Wah lao i just realise i'm like forcing u to b fren with me la. Haha. But just nw when i look thru my stuff, there's still alot of ur stuff n things that u do n buy 4 me is still around in my room. Cant bear to throw them away cos those memories are too beautiful! U know wat, Peiwen once browse our photo albums with me n i had to run outside to clean my tears la. So scare she see sia, dunno she will kill me anot. Haha. So weird rite, though it had been so long, but those memories seems to be so fresh when i look thru them. Especially e photo album tat u create which had like a walk thru of our r/s. That one make me cry e most at nite. Nw i really know how bad it feels like. When i saw e photo of u n chris, i cry like fuck, cos my stupid music player was
3rd SMS:
playing the song by Blue: "cruel to e eyes, when i c e way he makes u smile. Cruel to e eyes, watching him hold wat used to me mine. Y did i lie, y did i walk away to find. Y!" wah, e song just came so suddenly lor, it felt like a movie scene. Then i felt like shit. Even though i'm in a r/s with another person, it still hurts, it hurt so freaking much! Then i realise how much suffering i had put u thru when u c me with another girl. I'm so sorry. If there's something i could do, i wish i could take all e suffering away from u! It must had hurt so fucking bad! Wat is wrong with me? Y m i like tis? I know i'm very wrong to do tis right now but i still wan to say, "ah girl, I really miss u at times, i miss ur smile, i miss ur hugs, i miss ur laughter, i miss ur perfume, i miss mylo, i miss bathing mylo with u, i miss xiao gua gua, i miss going to furkids, i miss working with u, i miss walking mylo, i miss bringing mylo n u to sentosa, i miss fetching u on my bike n we sing out loud, i miss all e fun we had playing L4D, i miss our camping time at east coast, i miss our bangkok, genting n batam trips, i miss jogging with u, i miss carrying u from e room to kitchen, i miss all e anime n movie we watch, i miss those time when u anticipate my laughter while watching anime, i miss sleeping below u, i miss u kicking me to lie on my side during my sleep, i miss e soursop we once share, i miss talking abt our future with u, i miss carrying all e shopping bag when we do our retail therapy, i miss our song, i miss
4th SMS:
those times at pierce reservoir, i miss green meadow playground, i miss u sitting at e bus stop waiting 4 me, i miss e cheesecake u bake, i miss e sweet n sour pork u cook, i miss e clubbing n drinks we had, i miss e times when i look after u in hospital, i miss u riding tgt with me, i miss e time at ur place when i had to choose between u n wenhui n c u cry when i let u know e truth, i miss taking photo of u 4 our blog shop, i miss camwhoring with u, i miss ur family, i miss watching guai hua lian pian on ur mum bed with u, i miss driving u around in ur car, i miss e quarrel we had n e compromise that we made, i miss u thinkin of names for our kids, i still remember if its a girl, u wan to name her, cherish! i miss so much so much of u!" if only times remain still then. If only God could heard my prayer nw. I pray that u will be bless with lot of joy, happiness, health, wealth n love, n may Chris be e one to bring u all these, n may him b e right one 4 u. I'm really sorry 4 all e pain tat i'd done. I'm not trying to win u back or spoilt ur new r/s. I just wan to let u know nw that i'm gone, i will still b there 2 help if u ever need. Pls dun show theses msg to anyone, its only for us. I dun wan to create trouble between us anymore! I just wan to have a true fren who i can care n be cared by. If u dun wan 2 b fren, i understand. I will always be welcoming if u ever wan to. Have a good nite! Sweet dreams! Help me sayang n kiss mylo n xiao gua gua ok. Thanks alot! I hope all my tears will be gone. Tk care k
Seeing the smses again.. it still befuddles me as to why he would send such an sms saying all those things because it kinda felt like he was cheating, not being honest or whatever you call it, to his new girlfriend.. but i have stopped pondering over it because i needed to move on with my life, i wanted to move on with my life.. A new life with someone new and someone who i know will not do such things to betray me.. And that is all that matters to me...
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