I feel that I have lost the spark in me.. I’ve lost the enthusiasm to do anything. I have become boring and gloomy. I don’t know if its all the shit that have been happening to make me feel this way or is it my dear’s non-excitement to do anything have infected me as well. I don’t even feel like doing things that I used to love anymore.
I’ve lost enthusiasm to find my dream job. Sending out so many job applications, not a single one got back to me, except for those crappy and misleading MLMs and outdoor sales jobs. I’m like a discouraged employed worker.
I’ve lost the enthusiasm for life. I don’t feel like doing anything anymore. Sometimes I thought its cause I want to save money, that why I choose not to go out, but when dear suggest to go out, I just don’t feel like it, maybe its cause the only times he ever ask me to go out is to go to the range and practice golf.
I’ve lost the enthusiasm to go shopping, because I know I cannot afford to buy anything.
I’ve lost the hope to even get married and have kids. From all the bills that he needs to pay, to his constant thinking of buying watches and changing a new car when he has the money, I don’t even feel he has any plans to even save up for marriage. I can’t see which direction our relationship is going anymore. And if I have to start all over in a new relationship, I’d rather not. It is all too tiring, all the quarrels and compromising. I’d rather stay single forever.
I sometimes feel bad when my friends go out with me, because I feel I’m so gloomy and miserable to be with and that going out with me will only affect them too.
I’ve lost my smile. I don’t even feel like smiling most of the time and that’s why I sometimes choose to just stare at my computer screen for hours so that I do not need to face anybody.
This blog was suppose to bring about a new, better and happier me.
What is wrong with me????
this was exactly what i felt when i was with chris. i'm not trying to imply or hint anything. just sharing my thoughts with u.
ReplyDeleteDun give up! Cheer la! Even if everything around u are nt going ur way nw, tk a step back n tk a deep breath! Relax n try to focus! If e person u think is nt gonna give u e life u wan, search for a new one! no point hanging on to sum1 who cant even think when he's alr so old!
ReplyDeleteOne more thing, do u really believe that if someone who is so capable in the work he does, whom single handed organise F1 event or make his boss or senior management feel threaten with his capabilities doesn't get head-hunted by big MNC? Think again! I believe it is just some crap stories he had made up to make himself feel better!
ReplyDeleteI never said that he never got head hunted.. he was offered positions in the industry he was doing, but he rejected them because he didn't want to be in that industry anymore & he had many offers in the past which he rejected because he chose to stay with those ass pricked bosses who ended up betraying him.. he would have been able to get another job quicker if he hadn't lost all his contacts when he lost his phone previously.. I know he is capable because I have seen 1st hand how he work..
ReplyDeleteAnd by the way.. I don't believe he would make up stories because I know he wouldn't lie to me & I don't think anyone is able to make up such a detailed story..
ReplyDelete